• Death March 2016…


    Why did The Redhead cross the creek?

    For Tacos, duh.

    Just keep reading. It’ll make sense…eventually.

    So, when you have a dog a good portion of your life becomes filled with holding a leash in one hand and a knotted up Shop ‘n’ Save bag full of canine poo logs in the other.

    When you are married to Evil Kat, THE redheaded nature goddess (when she’s not being all redheaded dominatrix goddess) you go on death marches. Hmmm… Come to think of it, with those death marches she’s pretty much still being a redheaded dominatrix goddess, just sans stilettos and whips…

    But anyway… Put the two together and what do you get? Yeah… Taking the dog on a death march and picking up poop – or sometimes just carrying empty bags because the dog has the presence of mind to go off into the woods 30 feet off the trail and dump her load there in the underbrush. Probably because she’s trying to escape the death march.

    We’ll get to the tacos in a minute. I promise.

    Because, it's important to PRETECT the land

    Because, it’s important to PRETECT the land

    So, this unseasonably warm February 28th morning Her Supreme Worship was dead set on taking one of those death marches through a local conservation area. Sending the Teen off to The Ethical Society (it’s both wonderful and nerve wracking for a parent when a teen gets his or her driver’s license) we set out to conquer the mountain that is the object of her death march. Why? Because we’d been there before, and in reality, we had actually conquered said mountain. However, there was a Holy Grail which she had yet to trample – that being the creek. More specifically, the creek crossing at Taco Trail.

    See, I told you we’d get to the tacos.

    Now, in all seriousness, Taco Trail is actual Taconic Trail, but the sign we came across on our first excursion there had been defaced – much as many other signs in the area – and it read Taco– Trail, therefore it shall forever be known as the trail of crunchy Tex Mex goodness in our minds.

    Taco-supreme-2_smBut, it doesn’t end there. During the death march Her Worship kept looking for places to ford the creek. When I pointed out that there was a bridge in sight she would simply say, “Too easy.” This compelled me to comment that her single-minded dedication to achieving a goal was admirable, but that not everyone shared her goal. Then the dog jumped in the creek and went to the other side and The Redhead just looked at me with a smug, “You were saying?” sort of expression. Finally, I asked why it was so important to cross the creek. Her answer? Yes, you guessed it, “Because it’s there.”

    So, long story short, we ended up crossing the creek. Oddly enough, I’m the only one who got wet shoes out of the deal, mostly because The Redhead almost fell and I jumped to catch her – because I knew it would be MY fault if she splashed. That’s just how it works with redheads. And, upon crossing, we were at the trail head of crunchy goodness. Taco Trail… And, I have to say, it was well worth the walk.

    To top it off, five miles later we climbed into the truck and started for home. Along the way we stopped and bought a sack full of tacos.


  • Family Notices Father Is Dead After More Than Two Weeks


    ST LOUIS, FEBRUARY 13,  (AP)— A St. Louis family finally noticed the father had passed away in the kitchen after more than two weeks of piling dirty dishes next to his corpse. M. R. Sellars, noted thriller author and stay-at-home dad apparently died while loading the dishwasher sometime during the evening in late January. Cause of death has yet to be determined; an autopsy is pending.

    When reached for comment as to why his death went undetected for so long, his wife said, “Hold on. I just got another Words With Friends challenge.” His daughter weighed in with, “OMG! I just saw on TumbleBookFace that Stinky Cheese and Captain Skidmark are going to be at Myoozapalookafest this year!” She also added, “Do we have any pizza rolls?”

    When asked why they didn’t notice the smell, both replied, “Oh, don’t worry about that. He just farts a lot.”

    Memorial arrangements have yet to be announced, but are expected sometime before the end of 2037.