The Birds And The Bees…

I could just as easily have called this Hell House: Welcome To Hell

I’ll explain that in just a sec. Keep reading. Or don’t. But then you’ll never know the answer…

You see, I was listening to NPR the other day. I do that a lot. Either NPR or CD’s. It’s not that I believe they are completely fair and balanced in their reporting. There is no such organization. Even back when I was learning from Martha Ackmann that the primary goal of the journalist is to be objective and report the news, the professionals out there doing it had biases bleeding through their words. Now, it seems like it’s even worse. Or maybe it’s just that my idealism committed suicide somewhere around my 30th birthday and I was suddenly able to see the emperor’s new clothes for what they really were… or weren’t as the case may be.

However, I’m chasing a whole different chicken with that. Take notice, I said chasing, not choking… Let’s not get the title confused with the prose.

So, anyway, I was listening to NPR and they had an allergist on there who was doing a study about some manner or regional pine tree allergy in the PNW that had gone undiagnosed and untreated in thousands of people over the years. In the process he was giving some basic info about how allergies work, how they form, and how it can be different for certain folks. Like being born with them, or being exposed to an allergen in small amounts over a long period of time – sorta like death by saccharin, if you believe that effed up study.

And, in some cases, a massive exposure to an allergen triggering a reaction that just sticks with you for the rest of forever.

Enter, Hell House…

If you’ve read my previous blogs on the subject of Hell House, then you know that when my father passed, part of his estate was a house that my sister and I now own. With my sis being far and away, the bulk of the duties regarding upkeep have fallen to me. If you want all those gory details, with pictures, just look up the Hell House blogs here on BL.

But back to those damnable fornicating avians and insects…

The previous tenant to whom my father had been renting Hell House was all about plants, and had quite the weed patch going in the exceptionally large back yard. I say weed patch because if a plant isn’t a tree, grass, or something that produces an edible fruit, root, berry, or seed that I would find on my plate during a meal, then as far as I’m concerned it’s a weed.

Now that we’re on the same page… When the tenant moved out we had to do some work to the place before re-renting it. Part of that work involved cleaning up the weed patch, which ended up happening in the fall when everything was going to seed. E K and I spent countless hours one weekend, mowing, digging, chopping, and stuffing dried up, alien kudzuish whatevers into yard barges. The work was hard, sweaty, dirty, nasty, and otherwise unpleasant, but it needed to be done. And, if there’s one thing I can say it’s that E K and I do not run from hard work.

However, by the time we arrived home and I had myself a nice hot shower, something began to happen. My entire body itched, my face turned into a misshapen Murv balloon, and breathing was no longer a concept my body could wrap said balloon head around. Fortunately, a healthy dose of Benadryl re-enabled my ability to process oxygen, but it didn’t even take the edge off my case of the miserables.

Not long after that I heard the Doc on NPR.

I’d never had allergies before. Now I do. Every time the avians, insects, and weeds engage in their inter-species orgy of public fornication – spring and fall – I turn into a dwarf with an identity crisis. I can’t decide if my name is Itchy, Sneezy, Stuffy, Snotty, or Achey.

So, Hell House: 157, Merp: 0

Oh well… at least I’m not allergic to sex.

More to come…





  1. George Espenlaub April 10, 2011 6:16 am

    Just found your site last night. It’s bookmarked so I intend to visit often. I’m allergic to Plavic which causes all those unpleasant reactions. Good old Benadryl, it sure saved me. Keep writing.

  2. Tasialue April 10, 2011 8:09 am

    I seem to remember you got some help doing that particular task. I also keep wondering when the next call for assistance is going out. We’ve been somewhat bored without them. 😉

    • M. R. Sellars April 10, 2011 12:54 pm

      Yep, got all kinds of help on that from a couple of crazy wingnuts and a dude who liked to drive the mower. LOL… The allergy inducing incident actually occurred the autumn prior. 😉

  3. Pam April 10, 2011 8:55 am

    That is the way it happens to some, get an overblown exposure and suddenly you are plagued with consistent allergies. I am sadly one of those that have always had them

  4. Tracey L Pacelli April 11, 2011 7:28 am

    I’m allergic to many things like: Snookie, The Donald & Glenn Beck. Wonder if there’s any allergy shots for them.

  5. Nora B. Peevy April 11, 2011 4:12 pm

    Just wanted to drop you a line. I’ve written an article concerning the best book/writing blogs on the web. I added yours to my article today.


    • M. R. Sellars April 11, 2011 5:00 pm

      Thanks 🙂

      I added yours to my blogroll the other day. Happy to exchange some traffic. 😉

  6. BobbiK April 12, 2011 11:13 am

    You should look into taking local honey (produced within 20 miles of your town) for allergies. Taking a TBSP of the honey every day starts building up your immunities to the local pollen since that’s what it’s made of. When we lived in Southern IL, I had horrible allergies that required regular medication that always left me in a brain fog. Then, I started taking local honey. Within 2 weeks I was noticing a major reduction in symptoms and within a month I didn’t have to take any medicine anymore. I’ve had to start the process all over again since we moved to a different part of the state, but I’m noticing the same results. It’s worth a try at least and honey is a lot nicer to take (and usually cheaper) than allergy medicine.

  7. Alexx April 18, 2011 8:18 am

    Allergies everywhere! Claratin and Sudafed are my best friends in the spring, summer, fall and even to a point in winter, though in the winter I don’t take the Claratin. have been cursed with allergies since I was little they told my mom when I was 6 that the allergies would go away after they took my tonsils out… they lied. They got worse.

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