"Before taking anything on this blog seriously, you should bear in mind that I write fiction for a living, and satire for amusement." ~ M. R. Sellars
The Rest Of The Story
Most folks just call me Murv. I'm a fiction author, which means I'm really just a big kid who gets paid to make up entertaining lies. While I pen a series of dark, paranormal thriller novels for a paycheck, I also like to write about the other silliness that pops into my head - which is something that happens all too often and is why I call this blog Brainpan Leakage. As you will see, this is where I empty my skull of the insanity that gets in the way of me writing for a living. Some of the entries here are serious, but the vast majority are tongue in cheek satire with a liberal dash of reality thrown in just to keep you guessing. After all, life is pretty much absurd even on the good days, so why not have some fun with it?
Recently, Her Supreme Evilness, none other than THE E K, tangled with an iceberg that came flying off a flatbed tow truck in front of her while she was motivating the Evil Mobile along the highway. Said iceberg, not knowing with whom it had elected to tussle, was woefully unprepared. While it managed to get in an initial shot, the redhead sallied forth. Because of her amazing display of dominance over flying frozen water, the local news decided to interview her.
HER SUPREME EVILNESS ON THE TOOB
This just goes to show you what I’ve been saying all along – Had E K been on board the Titanic, the damn ship wouldn’t have had the balls to sink.
Personally, I think the Missouri Highway Patrol should give her a “BadAss Beyotch Driving Award” or something. But instead, courtesy of a rather well-known local towing company who couldn’t be bothered to clean off their trucks, we will be going car shopping…
I love me some Cracker Barrel. I’ve never made a secret of that.
Whenever I’m on a driving book tour, Cracker Barrel is my number one choice for a quick meal. The Country Boy Breakfast can’t be beat, and if I’m in a hurry, the Chicken ‘n Dumplings are always hot and ready to go. There’s a song by one of my all time favorite bands, Styx, called Music Time. One of the lines says, “I like fast food, the burgers always taste the same.”
Well, that’s one of the great things about Cracker Barrel. They have those Chicken ‘n Dumplings down to a science, and they always taste the same no matter where you are in the country.
But The Redhead isn’t a big Cracker Barrel fan. It’s not that she dislikes it. It’s more that she has her own favorite, that being Arby’s. Why Arby’s? Definitely not for the roast beef, I’m here to tell you.
Nope… Fact is, Her Supreme Leather Clad Goddessness-ness is all about the Market Fresh Pecan Chicken Salad Wrap. So, whenever we are on the road together – she has her Evil Appearances ya’know – she dictates the meal stops, and if it has to be fast and can’t be a local cuisine type of bistro, her choice is almost always Arby’s.
Therefore, in keeping with the theme of Thanksgiving leftovers and feeding The Evil One, we have another recipe…
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MISTRESS KAT’S FAVORITE TURKEY SALAD
Makes enough to feed “Satan in High Heels” for around 1 week of lunches. Adjust quantities as necessary.
3 Cups diced turkey
1 1/2 Cups red seedless grapes, quartered
1 – 2 (depends on size) Jonathan Apples, cored and diced – note: after dicing toss with a tablespoon of lemon juice to prevent discoloring from oxidation.
2 Ribs Celery – hearts preferably – diced
1/2 Cup chopped walnuts
1/2 TBSP Ground Rosemary
1 TBSP Parsley Flakes
1 tsp celery seed
1 TBSP Yellow Prepared Mustard
3 TBSP Mayonnaise
3 TBSP Plain Greek Yogurt
Salt and Pepper to taste
Mix all ingredients together in a bowl. Adjust amount of mayonnaise/yogurt if you desire a “drier” or “wetter” turkey salad. Refrigerate.
I suggest allowing it to sit in the icebox overnight before serving, in order to give the flavors a chance to blend.
The Redhead likes this served with a sprinkle of shredded Monterey Jack or Mild Cheddar, rolled into a whole grain wrap. I will also occasionally garnish with baby spinach or frisee.
...Fictional characters from a popular series of paranormal suspense-thriller novels weren't so fictional after all? Now take that "what if" a step further and imagine they have blogs, Twitter, and other Social Media outlets just like the rest of us.
DISCLAIMER: Do not use in shower, some settling may occur, for internal use only, okay to take with alcohol, keep away from children
CAUTION: Contents may be hot DO NOT tease the E K, she will hurt you Read more books, watch less TV Soylent Green is people! Do not stare directly into the sun May the cube be with you Point blog AWAY from face when opening due to escaping sarcasm REALLY, DO NOT tease the E K, she's EVIL... Srsly... I once saw her knock down Santa Claus and stomp on his head repeatedly while threatening him with an ax, all because he didn't bring her what she wanted for Christmas. I'm not kidding. There are pictures: E K Torturing Santa