Posts tagged: words

Jan 09 2011

The “N” Word…

Yes. THAT “N” word…

Yes. THAT whole brouhaha…

And, yes. I am now going to add my voice to the elebenty-bazillion others. Why? Because people keep asking my opinion. This way I can just say, “read my blog” and save myself a little time.

Now, just in case you don’t know the brouhaha I mean, I’m talking about the 21st century editing of Mark Twain’s Huckleberry Finn to remove the “N” word.

Now, you may notice that I just keep referring to it as the “N” word instead of going ahead and typing it out. Given my position on this – which I am about to relate to you – one may think I’m being a bit hypocritical by not just going ahead and letting it fly. But read on…

I’m not self-editing out of a need to be politically correct. If you know me at all, you are well aware that I despise political correctness with every fiber of my being. I am also not self-editing out of a fear of repercussions. The truth is, I don’t particularly care for the “N” word. Not a fan of it at all, in particular the universally accepted connotation it carries in this day and age., therefore I don’t use it. While its origin carried a somewhat different meaning, as words and language often do, it quickly devolved, and has taken on a much different definition as we all know. And here’s a news flash – truncating the hard “R” at the end and morphing it into a guttural vowel doesn’t alter anything other than the pronunciation. The vile and negative connotation is still there, and you aren’t going to change that by using it as a nickname, honorific, or putting it in a “song”.

Now, in the interest of complete honesty, I’ll admit something – In the boundless stupidity of my youth I am guilty of having used the “N” word on a few occasions. While never launched directly at an individual, I cannot deny having uttered it in descriptive narrative during a conversation about another person. However, it was to describe a negative behavior rather than as a racial slur, especially when you consider that at least once that I recall, the individual in question was Caucasian. Not that such makes it okay. It definitely does not.

However, in the heat of those moments I knew exactly what the connotation was, and intended it so, simply because it was the ugliest word I could think of to say . These incidents were many, many years ago.

Unfortunately, I was stupid enough to do this. However, fortunately, I recall my stupidity with vivid clarity, which is why I will not repeat it.

Am I sorry that I stooped to such vulgarity? Hell yes.

Am I ashamed of myself for having done so? More than you can imagine.

And that brings us back around to the paradox…

As much as I despise the word and the connotation of the age, its use within Mark Twain’s work is important. Why? Because in my way of thinking it is a reminder.

While I wasn’t afforded the opportunity to hear the NPR interview with the editor behind this change, I was told by someone who did listen to it, that the change apparently is not intended to rewrite history, nor to redact this vulgarity from every edition. The idea is to provide a sanitized version for teachers and readers who are offended by the “N” word.

Well… The prose is public domain at this point. You can do to it whatever you damn well please, and no amount of whining from me or any other author is going to change that.

But, I am going to offer my opinion anyway…

We need to remember that we learn from our mistakes, therefore erasing them teaches us nothing. In fact, it dooms us to repeat our stupidity.

Does the word offend? Yes. It offends plenty, me included. I’m relatively certain I have illustrated that here. But by the same token it evokes a response. One that provokes thought. Terrible as it may seem, sometimes it takes being offended to get your attention.

And, it’s not as if Twain was the only one to use the word… What about Sounder? To Kill A Mockingbird? And many other classics… And, dare I say it, the word has even been used effectively in literature of a more recent age. The argument is made that the prose is antiquated. Well, that’s true. But an antique desk is worth more than it was new, so there is definitely value to be found in antiquated prose.

In each case, it makes a point. It reminds us of a different time, and how far we have come. Removing it in favor of a more “politically correct” noun is no different than stabbing yourself with a spoon. You might bruise yourself a bit if you try really hard, but you aren’t going to make yourself bleed.

And sometimes, to truly understand, we have to bleed…

More to come…

Murv

Dec 22 2010

Gospels Of The Bean…

So, I’ve had multiple requests for a “repeat” of the “Gospels of the Bean” updates/tweets from a while back. In fact, I’ve even had folks requesting them for Christmas. Since I’ve been so busy with Luetsencurbenpuken (yes, I still need to post some pictures from 2010) and such, I neglected to have a blog entry ready for this morning… Therefore… Yeah. I’m going to get my lazy on and do a big old copy and paste from the “Gospels of the Bean” text file.

Since I am writing this while pumping bean jooce into myself, AND I will need to go roust the o-spring and redhead very soon, this is going to be pretty haphazard. As in, no particular order. I have a busy day ahead and, besides, you know how my mind works anyway…

WHAT IS COFFEE?

cof-fee [kaw-fee, kof-ee] -noun : decoction of crushed, roasted seeds ingested primarily as a vehicle for caffeine delivery. – I haz some.

COFFEE COMMANDMENTS

“And BEAN spoke all these words, saying: I am BEAN, your God…”

“1: You shall have no other caffeinated beverages before Me.”

“2: You shall not make for yourself a false coffee, such as anything that is in the likeness of decaf.”

“3: You shall not spill the brew of the BEAN in vain.”

“4: Remember the birthday of Saint Juan Valdez, to keep it holy.”

“5: Honor thy roasts, espresso, dark, medium, regular, and all in between.”

“6: You shall not murder after partaking of the brew. Before is okay, after, not so much.”

“7: You shall not drink tea as opposed to coffee, for this act is to commit adultery against the BEAN.”

“8: You shall not steal the coffee of another.”

“9: You shall not falsely accuse thy neighbor of being a cola drinker.”

“10: You shall not covet your neighbor’s Bunn, Krups, Saeco, etc.”

GOSPELS OF THE BEAN

On the third day, Starbuck said to them, “Drink this and you will live, for it is of the BEAN.” Gevalia 42:18

BEAN said,”In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, COFFEE will overcome.” Juan 16:33

And Juan did according to all that the BEAN commanded him. – Gevalia 7:5

When Starbuck partook of the coffee, he bowed down to the ground before the BEAN. – Gevalia 24:52

Starbuck said to the baristas, “Come here and listen to the words of the BEAN your God.” – Starbuck 3:9

“It will produce caffeinated beverages for you, and you will drink the brew of the BEAN.” – Gevalia 3:18

“And BEAN spoke all these words, saying: I am BEAN, your God… 1: You shall have no other caffeinated beverages before Me.”

The angel of BEAN said to me in the diner, ‘Coffee?’ I answered, ‘Yes, please.’ – Gevalia 31:11

“So BEAN created coffee in its own image, in the image of BEAN it created brew; Arabica and Canephora it created them.” – Gevalia 1:27

“So Juan moved his tents and went to live near the mountains, where he built an altar to the BEAN.” – Gevalia 13:18

BEAN said to Coffee, “Where is your brother Espresso?”, “I dunno,” he replied. “Do I look like a Starbucks?” Gevalia 4:9

The Bean said, “It is not good for mankind to be groggy. I will make a caffeinated drink suitable for them.” – Gevalia 2:18

Bean said, “Let there be brew,” and there was brew. Bean saw that brew was good, and separated brew from grounds. – Gevalia 1:3

For coffee so loved the world it gave its one and only brew, that whoever drinks it shall be not foul but have good mood. – Krups 3:16

Brew not, and you shall not have coffee. Drink not, and you shall not be awake. — 2 Juan,  6:37

“Now, my Coffee, may your bean be ground and your caffeine extracted for the drinkers of your brew.” — 2 Starbucks,  6:40

“He who has coffee is better than the coffeeless; and he that drinketh his coffee than he that doesn’t.” – 1 Peaberry, 16:32

“Tea may endure for a night, but coffee cometh in the morning.” — Peaberry 30:5

May the glory of the bean endure forever; may the bean rejoice in its caffeine – 1 Folgers, 2:19

Awaken me, O COFFEE, for your caffeine is kind; With your great stimulant, lead me to the path of consciousness. —Starbuck 69:69

COFFEE PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENTS

Coffee makes all things new again. A public service announcement of the Church of the Latter Day Bean…

PENNANCE

Tea is an Aqueous sin and Cola is both an Aqueous and a Carbonic sin, making it far worse. 24 Hail Peaberries minimum

COFFEE PRAYER

Oh coffee, who art in cup, Java be thy name. Thy espresso shot, rich and hot, just keep the refills a comin’…

Oh coffee, who art in cup, peaberry be thy name. Thy caffeine come, as I swill one, do they have refills in heaven?

COFFEE AFFRIMATIONS

Coffee is great, coffee is good, I’d best go drink some before I’m rude…

Coffee is great, coffee is good. Better give me more before I get rude…

Coffee is great, coffee is good, let us thank it for our mood…

Thou hast raised me from sleep, O coffee; awaken my mind and open my lips, that I may praise Thee, O Holy Trinity- Bean, creamer, and sugar.

Glory be to the bean and to the grinder and to the water, as it was in the beginning, but is now, coffee without end.

Coffee…grant me the strength to pour, the serenity to brew when the pot is empty, and the wisdom to not kill anyone yet.

COFFEE CONFESSIONS

Confession time – I have a little plastic statue of Juan Valdez and his donkey on the dash of my truck…

I like my coffee straight up, no frills. But when I feel a little kinky, I put on one of my wife’s negligees and have an espresso…

FROM THE COFFEE HYMNAL

I like my coffee bay-bee! Hot, fresh, and… well, not so sticky. But strong, yes. Stronger the better. (Rock Candy)

Coffee, coffee, bo boffee, banana bana, fo foffee, fee, fi, mo, moffee! KAW-FEE! (The Name Game)

Have another cup of coffee, but don’t be sloppy, be careful don’t spill it, when you refill it, have another cup of coffee…  (Manic Monday)

COFFEE IS…

Coffee is… The only thing that keeps me from climbing the clock tower with a rifle in the morning.

Coffee is… My Mistress, and damn she’s hot and steamy…

Coffee is… An essential part of the food pyramid.

Coffee is… Do I really need to embellish here?

Coffee is… Not just a good idea, it’s the law.

Coffee is… My own personal Prozac.

COFFEE QUOTES

I need a faster coffee bean juicer…

Coffee… There can be only one.

Coffee… Not just a good idea. It’s a way of life.

If it weren’t for coffee, well then, I guess I’d just have to be an even bigger asshole today…

I love the smell of coffee in the morning… Smells like… burnt coffea canephora berries actually…

It is by coffee alone I set my mind in motion. It is by juice of the bean that thoughts acquire speed, desk stained, cup empty…

Ahhh… Freshly squeezed coffea canephora juice… It just makes the world look so much more… well… tolerable.

Chemicals my ass! Without COFFEE, life itself would be impossible…

COFFEE QUESTIONS

How many beans do you have to squeeze for one cup of coffee?

More to come…

Murv

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